A must read. Author Michael Rose and his wife recently lost their teenage son to a brain aneurysm; the link is to the funeral homily, given by a Dominican priest friend of ours.
Reading the homily, I was struck by the power of the priesthood. As a woman, I can bear children into natural life, which is no small miracle. But even more amazing, priests bear their children - us - into supernatural life, that is, into union with the Holy Trinity.
The priesthood is a beautiful gift to the world.
Near the end of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises is a curious section titled, “Some Notes Concerning Scruples.” Scrupulosity is one of those pesky spiritual problems that we don’t always recognize but can give us a lot a grief if left unchecked. Believe me, I know!
Never heard of scrupulosity? How about Catholic Guilt? Scrupulosity is Catholic Guilt run amok, or, as St. Alphonsus Liguori explains:
“A conscience is scrupulous when, for a frivolous reason and without rational basis, there is a frequent fear of sin even though in reality there is no sin at all. A scruple is a defective understanding of something” (Moral Theology, Alphonsus de Liguori: Selected Writings, ed. Frederick M. Jones, C. Ss. R., pg. 322).
When you obsess over whether or not something was done “right,” you may be scrupulous.
When a cloud of anxiety and doubt hovers over the minutiae your faith and moral life, you may be scrupulous.
When you fear obsessive thoughts and feelings and use prayer and the Sacraments compulsively in order to get rid of them, you may be scrupulous.
St. Ignatius’ advice for dealing with scruples might surprise the person experiencing them. In a world of excess, greed, and violence, where heinous sin is broadcast publicly and without shame, one might think we Christians need to practice more prayer and penance in order to be effective witnesses of God’s saving grace. I couldn’t agree more.
But for the scrupulous person, asceticism is exactly the wrong approach to living a joyful life with Jesus Christ, St. Ignatius says. His advice points the scrupulous person—and their directors—toward a different solution.
I doubt most people enjoy fighting with their spouse. Yet most couples would see arguing as an unpleasant and sometimes necessary part of marriage. When two people live together, they’re bound to bump against each other’s rough edges. Every couple has issues which need to be addressed honestly. Sometimes—because we’re human—we bring anger into it. It happens.
I have a very, very hard time accepting this fact of married life. I hate arguing with my husband. I hate conflict and (scrupulous me) I especially hate the guilty feelings that come with my feelings of anger. My knee-jerk reaction is to think that my feeling angry is always a sin.
As a consequence, I spent several years of marriage avoiding necessary communication so as to avoid all those yucky feelings. Instead of saying, “Hey, honey? That thing you did? It bugged me,” I’d opt for the much superior and totally awesome passive-aggressive approach of silently tiptoeing around my husband like a wounded victim. Because this…
I’m upset. Can you tell I’m upset? I feel guilty for being upset, but could you please apologize to me, anyway? I’m not going to tell you what you did because that’d be an accusation and I don’t like accusing you. That’s right, you’ll need to guess. Even though I’m not sure I even have a right to be upset, I still want you to validate my feelings even though I’m not going to tell you what they are…
… works, right?
Or not.
Recently, Simcha Fisher raised the issue of scrupulosity, the state of being perpetually afraid of sin, at the National Catholic Register. As someone who battles scrupulosity, I was thrilled to see someone raising the issue. Scruples can plague a person and wreak all kinds of havoc in his relationship with God. (All you priests are probably nodding your heads right now!)
Unfortunately, we don’t talk much about scrupulosity today, and to our detriment. Fisher had to respond to a few confused readers of her article who thought we needed more scrupulosity, not less, given the state of our sinful world. That they misunderstood is completely understandable: on the surface it would seem like having more awareness of sin would always be a good thing.
So what is scrupulosity, and why is it so bad? Let’s delve deeper into the topic.
Read the rest at Integrated Catholic Life.
My doctor lowered my medication dosages last week, which makes me go...
via Pixabay, CC0
...weeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except without the thrills and giggles and woo-hoo! part of it.
Despite the unpleasant withdrawal effects, being on the bipolar/anxiety roller coaster again is a good thing. I wasn't getting deep sleep because the dosages were too high, and like most people, I really like sleep. I was also having a hard time focusing, especially while driving. (Yikes.)
Also, being on the roller coaster reminds me that a happy-clappy drug placebo does not equal sanctity. Being in a good mood does not a saint make. Choosing God and his love does.
Because I write on spiritual topics, the "guru" temptation is always close at hand. I don't want to be a guru. I want to write from my weakness and share how God is transforming that into strength. Being on the roller coaster reminds me that I haven't yet "arrived."
(And even now, as I type, I think, "Sheesh, Rhonda, by writing that, you're just proving to the world that you really are a guru because you know that you need to know that you haven't yet arrived.")
(And that parenthetical proves that I am a guru by recognizing that I recognize that I'm guruish for knowing that I don't know.)
(Etc., etc., ad nauseum, and so on.)
I'm still on drugs, so my moods are still manageable, but I'm having moods again, and that requires some adjustment. I get to practice securing my own mask before assisting other passengers.
Yay.
